I am reading up parenting materials that I can find my hands on lately. Thank God that there are still 2 more months before this rookie mommy has to put her green parenting skill into practice, ready or not!
I came across Dianna Baumrind’s parenting styles recently, and Child Development and Child Psychology which we learnt during uni time came rushing back. Please find the summary below for your reading pleasure (no prize guessing which is the one most recommended by child care experts):
1. Authoritarian parenting
- The parents are controlling, expect rules to be followed without questions and display low parental warmth
- Hitting is often used as a form of punishment
- The parent controls physical and psychological aspects of the child’s development, displaying conditional love and likely threatening to withdraw love and attention (“If you don’t be a good girl, I will throw you out!!”)
Resulting children: lack social competence, rarely take initiatives, unhappy, unfriendly, with low self esteem, low self confidence and lack academic competence. Children are often estranged from their parents during adulthood.
Comment: My, doesn’t this parenting style sound familiar? It is so commonly found in Asian society! Stern and quiet father, sitting in a corner reading newspapers or watching TV. Children shivering with each glance from his side, quietly escaping into their rooms before he’s back. Yup, I see many hands up.
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2. Permissive parenting
- Characterised by parents who are nurturing and accepting, but who have very little control over their children
Resulting children: impulsive, low levels of school achievement, engage more in misconduct and drug use, generally immature, do not accept responsibility of their own actions. They tend to be still dependent on their parents even into early adulthood.
Comment: I have a ‘long time acquanintance’ who is exactly like this!
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3. Neglectful parenting
- The parents are low in warmth and control, are generally not involved in their child’s life, are disengaged, undemanding, low in responsiveness, do not set limits but will still provide basic needs for the child
Resulting children: depression, social withdrawal, more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior and drugs, children grow up feeling resentment against their parents for being neglectful and often might be estranged from them into adulthood
Comment: Yet another common mistake committed by Asian parents. Material needs – 100%, children’s emotional needs – 0%.
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4. Authoritative parenting
- Characterized by high expectations of compliance to parental rules and directions, an open dialogue about those rules and behaviors, and a child-centered approach. Although they are demanding, they are also warm and responsive
- When punishing a child, the parent will always explain his or her motive for their punishment. Their punishments are measured and consistent in discipline, not harsh or arbitrary
Result children: higher self esteem, independent, successful, articulate, happy with themselves, generous with others, have a high academic competence
Comment: Yes, you got it right. This is the one recommended by child care experts.
